Random Musings of the Insane Kind
by Cinnamon Wolf
Summary: An ongoing collection of random and strange scenarios involving everyone's favorite overly skinny pilots! Warnings: Really, really dumb folks. Do not read if you expect anything intelligent! Mild character bashing, but it's all in good fun!


AN: This is just a random and strange parody fic, so clear your mind of any overly complicated thoughts and enjoy!  
  
********** How This Fic Was Born **********  
  
Cinnamon Wolf: So tired.so very bored.I know! Lets make the G-boys do stuff that they would never ever actually do in real life! (At least as close to real life as animated characters come)  
  
Welcome to: Random Musings of the Insane Kind!  
  
********** Why is it?...*********  
  
Heero: Why is it that the show is centered around my character development when I have no character to develop?  
  
Duo: Why is the theme song all exciting when the actual show is slower than molasses going uphill in a Canadian January?  
  
Trowa: Why is it that the only time you ever see both of my eyes at the same time is during that three second pose in the theme?  
  
Quatre: Why is it that I have blond hair, blue eyes, pasty ivory skin, dress like Mozart, play the piano and the violin, and have tea with every meal, and yet I'm supposed to Arabian? Am I even a guy? It's hard to tell..  
  
Wufei: Why is it that I'm the only one with a stick shoved up my ass? Oh wait, that's my pants. Sorry, my bad.  
  
Relena: Why is it that at least once every episode I stare wistfully out of a window, sigh and say " Heero." like a relationship with a stoic monotone soldier who has an emotional range from A to A-and-a-half is ever going to happen? Is that my only purpose in my life?  
  
Collective Yaoi-loving audience: Pretty much..She's not good for anything else. except voodoo dolls.* Grins evilly*  
  
Dorothy: What the hell in with my eyebrows?  
  
Catherine: What the hell am I wearing?  
  
Hilde: Why the hell am I even in this show? I don't do anything productive, just like Relena. Hey wait! She's just as useless as I am! Why is she a main character?!  
  
Sally: I'm supposed to be Chinese? Whoa...Something went very wrong when they were chlorinating the gene pool.  
  
Zeches: Why does my name have to sound so incredibly dirty?  
  
Lady Une: Why is it that I'm a complete schizophrenic? But, I'm not! Wait, yes I am! No I'm not! Look at the lovely flowers! No! Destroy! Crush! Conquer! Save the whales! Kill! Hug a tree! Murdermurdermurder! *wanders off pulling at her hair and mumbling at herself*  
  
Treize: Why is it that I'm the only one that we ever actually see washing themselves in the whole series? Does any one else shower? Does any one else even go to the bathroom in this show?!  
  
C. Wolf: Why is it that five unhealthily skinny and emotionally unstable teenagers in giant humanoid machines save the world, and not, say, ...Oh, I don't know, Superman?! Someone with credentials maybe!!??  
  
********* Random scenarios *********  
  
Heero: * Does funny whoosh thing with his hand in front of his face* you can't see me!!! Heeheehee!! * runs around like an idiot* Whoohoo!!! I'm invisible!! You can't see me!!! Eeheeheehee--- * Runs into Wing Zero with loud ^THUNK!^ , falls on his butt*  
  
C. Wolf: The perfect soldier, hard at work.  
  
**********  
  
Heero: *STARE* ..  
  
Trowa: *STARE* ..  
  
Heero: *STARE* ..  
  
Trowa: *STARE* ..  
  
Heero: *STARE* ..  
  
Trowa: ^BLINK!^  
  
Heero: HA! You lose! Pay up!  
  
Trowa: Damn! *Hands Heero a dollar*  
  
**********  
  
Heero: * In front of his laptop, staring at it* ..  
  
Duo: Heero?  
  
Heero: *Sweatdrops, looks nervous* ...  
  
Duo: Uhh.. What's wrong?  
  
Heero: *Fidgets* Nothing..Just working..  
  
Duo: ^BLINK!^ ... Dude, you have to turn it on.  
  
Heero: *Bursts into tears* I DON"T KNOW HOW!!!  
  
Duo : It's ok Heero, finding the 'on' button is difficult sometimes. *Pats him on the shoulder*  
  
Heero: ^BLINK!^ .. There's an 'on' button?  
  
**********  
  
Narrator: In the middle of an intense battle, the Shenlong Gundam stands alone against the enemy.  
  
Enemy #1: We've got you now!  
  
Enemy #2: You'll never escape!  
  
Enemy #3: HAHAHAHA!  
  
* All three share an evil laugh*  
  
Shenlong: But *I* have a secret weapon! Behold---! THE SHAKIRA DANCE! MWAHAHAHA!!!! * Starts dancing*  
  
Enemy #1: ^GASP!^ What?!  
  
Enemy #2: ^GASP!^ No! It can't be!  
  
Enemy #3: ^GASP!^ Too--- much--- metal--- booty-shaking---! *starts twitching*\  
  
* All three self destruct*  
  
Shenlong: BOOYAH!! * Does victory dance*  
  
* From somewhere very far away.*  
  
Wufei: MAXWELL!!! GIVE ME BACK MY GUNDAM!!!! INJUSTICE!!!  
  
Shenlong: *snickers*  
  
**********  
  
~ How Wufei became Justice~  
  
Wufei: I'm a snotty private school nerd with a massive wedgie and an ego problem.  
  
Meilan: I'm a self proclaimed warrior twit in pigtails bent on preserving justice.  
  
Master O : Good! Go get married!  
  
Wufei: Go to hell, Meilan!  
  
Meilan: I'll do even better than that! I'll die! *gets killed*  
  
Wufei: Now what the hell am I supposed to do?  
  
Ghost of Meilan: * Slaps him upside the head* Duh! Go fight for my lost cause, you baka!  
  
Wufei: Why the hell should I?  
  
Ghost of Meilan: * Rolls eyes* Because, you idiot, that's the only way you're going to get a decent character arc! Now, go fight for justice! * Kicks him in the butt*  
  
Wufei: Ow! * Wanders away, rubbing his butt and mumbling something that sounds suspiciously like 'stupid onna tells me to go fight for justice.'*  
  
Ghost of Meilan: I HEARD THAT!!!  
  
Wufei: Eep! *Runs away*  
  
*********  
  
C. Wolf: The Gundam boys only weigh about a hundred pounds apiece, and they pilot massive, metal, forty foot tall chunks of state-of-the-art indestructible hardware with huge, long, pointy, powerful, world-destroying guns and a few tons of ammunition. *Cocks an eyebrow* Compensation for something boys?  
  
*********  
  
Zeches: Heero, I am your father!  
  
Heero: NOOOOOOOOOOOO(pause for breath)OOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zeches: Join the dark side, Heero! Rule the Earth Sphere alliance with me!  
  
Heero: Never! I will fight you to the end, Zeches!  
  
Zeches: Fool! You will never kill me!  
  
Heero: I meant the end of the series you baka!  
  
Zeches: Oh...heh heh.right.  
  
**********  
  
Quatre: Hey guys! Look what I got! * Holds up Pikachu*  
  
Wufei: EEK!! GET THAT RODENT AWAY FROM ME!!! * Jumps up onto a chair* GET IT AWAY!! GET IT AWAY!!!  
  
Everyone: *collective sweatdrop*  
  
Pikachu: Pika! Pika!! (Translation: Dumb baka!) *Shocks everyone until they're nice and crispy, then scampers off*  
  
Heero: Spandex does not have a pleasant odor when burned.  
  
Duo: Just close your eyes, and think of bacon.  
  
*********  
  
Trowa: ..  
  
Duo: Come on Trowa, smile!  
  
Trowa: ... I'm trying.  
  
Duo: Come on man! Put some sweat into it!!  
  
Trowa: *Face twitches*...  
  
Quatre: I'll help! * Prances in dressed as a pink playboy bunny, hits ditsy pose*  
  
Trowa: * Smiles ever so slightly*  
  
Duo: See, that wasn't so bad!  
  
Trowa: *still smiling* ...I think my face is broken..  
  
**********  
  
Duo: *Looks around* Where's Heero?  
  
Heero: *Comes flying in to hyper Irish music, wearing tight black pleather pants and a pirate shirt flapping the breeze* Lord of the Dance! * Hits pose*  
  
Duo: WHO LET HIM RENT THOSE DAMN RIVERDANCE MOVIES?!!  
  
********** (AN: there's an actual audio clip for this out there somewhere)  
  
Duo: I wonder how long I'll get to see the moon like this.  
  
Heero: Well, if you want, I can pull my pants up.  
  
Duo: Nah, it's cool.  
  
*********  
  
Narrator: It's time for.Teletubies!  
  
Wufei: *Pops into view wearing purple Styrofoam suit* Tinkywinky!  
  
Heero: *Pops into view wearing green Styrofoam suit* Dipsy!  
  
Duo: * Pops into view wearing yellow Styrofoam suit* Lala!  
  
Quatre: *Pops into view wearing red Styrofoam suit* Po!  
  
All: Teletubies! Teletubies! * start to run and sing and frolic about the cardboard meadows with paper flowers and insects and bunnies and happy little creatures ext.*  
  
Trowa: *standing by himself to one side, wearing a Big Bird suit* I feel so unloved.  
  
**********  
  
The Complete List of Wufei's Nicknames:  
  
Wu, Fei, Woofie, Wufie (different from Woofie), Wuwu, Feifei, Fufu, Weiwei, Wufu, Fuwu, Fuwei, Feiwu, Weifu, Wu-man (sounds like 'woman' which really pisses him off), Wu-dude, Wu-babe, Wu-da-man, Wu-pooh, Wedgie-pant-wu, Chang, Ching-chang, Cha-cha-chang, Chibi-chang, Wufei-and-the-amazing- wedgie-pants, the One Man Justice League, Good Old Stick-Up-His-Ass, Fei- man, Fifi-fei, Funky-fei, ext. (This is an ongoing list, so send me any that I missed)  
  
**********  
  
AN: That's it for now, but this fic is ongoing, so send suggestions and your own random scenarios! ^.~! 


End file.
